I don't know how am I suppose to feel now, anxious, worry, confuse, or crazy ... I sms her since Sunday, and she hasn't reply one since. Could that mean we're finish? Romantically, maybe. But does that mean we can't be friends too? I hate to think like that but how else can I conclude?

Damn myself ...

I don't know, maybe it's easier if you're a girl or something ... this is hard for me ... sometimes I just wish I'm the kind of person who would let go of things easily, instead of holding on to dear life in little things, hoping that miracle would happen and that pigs would fly ....

I can't offer much, really, other than my sincerity and trust ...

And to clear it up, it's not desperation on my part ... I just want her to know the truth. Perhaps the truth has set her free, but having myself bound instead.

Sent her sms last night and this morning, no reply

Gee ... was that the longest comment you ever gave? hahahah ....

Oh well ... I just feel a little regret on how I could have done better in breaking it out to her ... I wanted to tell her that's how I feel for her from my heart, nothing else, not expecting any return from her ... be it that she also likes me or she doesn't, it didn't matter so much as long as she still think of me as a friend like before ... and that she'd continue to trust me for being her friend, that I would not resort to lies or tricks to go out with her just because I like her.

You know, all these while, I have always treated her as a mature, trustworthy friend who can enjoy quiet moments with me, even as a friend of an opposite sex!. Maybe I have been pushing a little too far by going out alone with her many times. Sometimes, what people see outside is different from what I feel inside. True, sometimes we may try to justify or "lie" to ourselves in order to fulfill our selfish desires. I hope I am not lying to myself, really.

It will take time for this whole thing to sink in, either it will trigger me to move on, or it could make me feel depressed all over again. I hate to think of the latter though .... so hope for the best .... be positive, look ahead, not behind .... yes, easier said than done ... but I will try nonetheless.